A: Wassup, God

G: Hey.

A: I drank some, yesterday.

G: Your birthday?

A: Nope. And before you keep asking, I didn’t have „Youth dedication,“ a wedding-eve party, nor was there a lottery win to celebrate.

G: Any trouble?

A: Nope, I simply drank for the heck of it. I went out. I attended an event.

G: So the two of you made yourselves a nice evening, right?

A: Oh, God. I went out. I by my very lonesome.

G: You haven’t had a falling out?!!

A: Yes, I beat her up, and she was not amused. Was offended, right away.

G: You did what?

A: I beat her up, God. She did not obey me. So I had to beat her up. What else was I supposed to do?

G: You did…not beat her up.

A: Of course not, God! Man, I got you worried for a moment, didn’t I? Man, of course, I wouldn’t whack my old lady. By no means, never ever!

G: You wouldn’t do this, right?

A: Listen to this God, if she gets angry, then, then, she becomes volatile. One time, she even threw oranges at me.

G: Hoity-toity.

A: Eggs, too. And eggs are rather hard.

G: Hard shell, soft core.

A: Not in this case. In addition, we had them hardboiled because we wanted to have a picnic in the country side.

G: And why, for God’s sake, does she get angry?

A: For .. nothing, God. For absolutely nothing. Even if you only don’t get up in the morning and don’t do anything. Or you forget to pay the rent because you got wasted with the money.

G: Well I don’t really consider this nothing.

A: Come on, God, elsewhere people die because they don’t have anything to munch, or when there is war, OK…, or when a volcano breaks out, tons of houses go up in smoke, or the ozone hole, it is already at least as large as half of North America.

G: Well…

A: Not good at all, God! That is, you’ve got to think about that, in any case. Compared with this, our troubles here are chicken-shit, absolutely chicken-shit.

G: You think, .. you think rather globally?

A: I don’t think. I mean, sure, you could call it globally.

G: You know, it’s a platitude, even if you think globally, you have to act locally.

A: Exactly, God. That’s what I think too. That’s why I went to this event yesterday. “Booze for Africa”, they called it, and I thought, well, I am no Albert Schweizer. I can’t run around as a doctor and distribute syringes against aids; for that I have not studied enough. But in my own way, I can make my own tiny contribution so that they fare a little better.

G: Through boozing.

A: As for me, I did my best.

G: How much did you…?

A: Nothing is further from me than to show off, God.

G: And what happens with the money?

A: What money?

G: Well, the money that you paid for the little glasses of beer?

A: I didn’t… this is a pub, God. I know the guy behind the counter. That’s why I don’t have to pay nothing. I did, a long time ago, I stood behind the counter too, you know, and so, that’s why we know each other. And you wouldn’t either, let’s say, from Moses, you wouldn’t take nothing…

G: Careful, pal. Watch what you are saying.

A: I just wanted to…

G: You went to the pub to provide moral support for Africa.

A: A total commitment, God.

G: And this morning, you didn’t get out of bed?

A: Bingo, God. Friendship between nations demanded tribute. But let it go! No worries, I know how I can make my old lady conciliatory.

G: Really? How?

A: Flowers.

G: Very original.

A: I’ll surprise her, God. A little later, I’ll be in front of her door, and then: “Voila!”

G: She really won a jackpot with you, your girlfriend, I mean.

A: Don’t you think? One shouldn’t only seek personal fulfillment; one has to look beyond one’s own interest.

G: Yeah, solidarity, tenderness of the nations.

A: Ciao, God.

G: Ciao, you hero. By the way, violets are fairly cheap right now, and then you will have something left for rent.

A: No penny for the speculators!

Translation by Wolfgang Müller and Jane Müller Peterson